You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
