just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
