Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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