I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i will never coherently bang her
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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