oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I wish there were birth control emojis
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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