I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
