tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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