Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
