So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
