i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
