dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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