My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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