Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize