i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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