R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize