I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
