you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
