just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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