being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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