Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
