talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
