What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
