They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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