i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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