Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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