Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
