I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
