Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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