i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
