dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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