I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
