help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
