"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
