Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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