we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
