Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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