We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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