we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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