I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
