tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I did not marry a roomba.
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