the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize