i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
