Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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