Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
