So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize