His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
