Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
