I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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