He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
