remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
