found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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