my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
