I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just invented taco cereal.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
