I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Randomize
