Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
nutella sex= disaster
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
