You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
