rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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