WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
